Words I Couldn't Say
by thatistheburden
Summary: Based on the song Words I Couldn't Say by Rascal Flatts. I went to see them in concert, and even though they didn't sing this song, I was inspired to rewrite the story! Tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gilmore girls. I also don't own Rascal Flatts.

**A/N:** This is my first Gilmore fanfic... that I've published anyways. I can take constructive criticism. I know it's not the best, but give it a chance! The song is Words I Couldn't Say by Rascal Flatts. This story has been in my head for months, so I finally wrote it. It jumps between Luke and Lorelai's thoughts, but I think it's pretty clear which is which.

**Words I Couldn't Say**

_In a book, in a box in the closet_

_In a line, in a song I once heard_

_In a moment on a front porch late one June_

_In a breath inside a whisper beneath the moon_

He wanted to tell me. He told me he wanted to tell me the truth. My question is why he didn't. We sat together on the porch at the end of last June talking about everything. He was my rock throughout my entire estrangement from Rory. You hear about these types of stories in books and in song lyrics. I mocked those things. I never expected it to become my reality.

_There it was at the tip of my fingers_

_There it was on the tip of my tongue_

_There you were and I had never been that far_

_There it was, the whole world wrapped inside my arms_

_And I let it all slip away_

How did I let it get this far? I know she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but now she's gone. We were sitting on the couch only a few days ago enveloped in one another's arms. She seemed happy at the time, but when I look back, I see that it was all a mask of the pain she was feeling. How did I let this happen? What was the real reason I couldn't tell her I had a daughter?

_What do I do now that you're gone_

_No back up plan, no second chance_

_And no one else to blame_

_All I can hear in the silence that remains_

_Are the words I couldn't say_

He's gone now. I could have fixed things earlier if I could have spoken up. I let everything build up to the point where I was avoiding my fiancée and then delivering ultimatums. It's not like me to hide how I'm feeling inside. I can't blame anyone but myself for going to Christopher and sleeping with him. Now, I just sit here in what was supposed to be our house alone, and I can only think of why I did hide everything from you about how I really felt.

_There's a rain that will never stop falling_

_There's a wall that I tried to take down_

_What I should have said just wouldn't pass my lips._

_So I held back and now we've come to this_

_And it's too late now_

It may be summer, but to me, it will always be a rainy day without her. The walls she always puts up to protect herself when it came to me, and I made her build them back up. I should have told her. I shouldn't have kept putting it off. I pushed her to the point where she ran off to Chris. How did I let it get that far? I could have worked things out with her. I really think I could have, but it's all too complicated now.

They lost each other. The words they couldn't say ended up being screamed back and forth, and they're scared. They're scared that if they did get back together, they wouldn't be able to forgive and forget or something else would break them apart. They're scared of the loneliness and broken hearts that would come as a result of staying apart

Were the words unspoken enough to keep them apart forever, or did it just let them strengthen their relationship?

Only time will tell if love really is enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I went to see Rascal Flatts in concert and was inspired to try and write this story better. Let me know what you think of it! Thanks!**

Before they were in a relationship, they were friends – best friends in fact. They went to each other for everything, and they knew everything about each other. Sometimes they seemed to know more about each other than they knew themselves. Lorelai thought that going from friends to more than friends seemed totally right. Everyone seemed to think they were meant to be together, and Lorelai actually believed it too.

The wedding that planned itself, snow, fate. Those three events all happened after they promised each other no secrets. How come neither one of them could keep their promise? How come everything after that conversation went downhill when it should have gone up?

Things had been perfect the night he gave her the engagement ring. There was a full moon, and we sat on the porch in the nice June weather. She told him all about being sad that Rory was gone, and they just enjoyed each other's company.

The words were there. All she had to do was tell Luke how she was really feeling. All Luke had to do was tell Lorelai about April when she first came. He should have let her into that part of his life. She understood his confusion through it all, but she thought she could have helped. She let her "whole package" get away, and on top of that – she made a huge mistake that would ensure that she could never be with Luke again.

_What do I do now that you're gone?_

_No back up plan, no second chance_

_And no one else to blame_

_All I can hear in the silence that remains_

_Are the words I couldn't say._

It had been three months since she told him about her night with Christopher. It had been three months since he walked away without saying a word. It had been three months since her life had fallen apart.

She was sitting on her couch trying to watch old "I Love Lucy" episodes. Her mind was other places though. She still hadn't gotten over the fact that she had hurt him, and she didn't think she would ever be able to forgive herself.

While she had all of these thoughts running through her head, she thought she heard someone outside. She got off the couch, and walked outside to see who it was.

When she looked out, she was clearly surprised to see who it was. While walking in circles looking down at his feet, she spoke softly. "Luke?"

He quickly looked up, not realizing that she had even come out. "Lorelai. Should I go?" His expression showed the fear that she would ask him to leave.

She quickly answered with a no. "Please stay." She paused for a few seconds thinking about what she wanted to say next. She didn't want him to think she was being too forward or that she didn't want him there. "Do you want to come in?"

He started pacing again, and she looked sad. She thought that this was a step forward if he had come to see her after not talking for months. Finally he replied with a, "Sure."

She let out a sigh of relief as he walked up to the porch. She led him into the living room, where he sat down on one of the chairs and she was on the couch.

They were silent for what seemed like forever to Lorelai. She decided that if she didn't start up the conversation, they would be staring at their feet all night.

"Luke – I know you don't want me to apologize anymore, but I have to. I'm so sorry for everything. I never meant to hurt you. I love you, only you…" Lorelai was accentuating the 'only you' part to make sure he understood.

"Lorelai," he interrupted her, and they finally made eye contact. "I know you're sorry, but I need you to know that I'm sorry too. Every time I tried to tell you about April, I just froze. I didn't know how to tell you. The words just didn't come. Then I shut you out. I hurt you. No matter how upset I was that you went to Christopher, I couldn't face the fact that you went to him because you felt that you couldn't come to me. I'm the one who made you go to him."

"Luke. It's not your fault. I blame myself for sabotaging our relationship. I'm the one who did this. It was all me. It was all entirely my fault." Lorelai was in tears now. Luke saw that and walked over to her. "I don't know how you could ever forgive me." She managed to choke out those words. Luke knew how sorry she was, but he couldn't believe that she blamed herself for everything. Luke enveloped her in a hug. She seemed tense at first, but she slowly started to relax.

"Lorelai – please believe me when I say that I already forgave you. When I walked out that night, I wanted so badly to hate you." Lorelai tensed back up and pulled away. "But I couldn't. I just looked back on the months before that and saw how badly I hurt you. I couldn't bear to come back to you because I love you, and I was afraid that I would hurt you again."

She couldn't say anything. She didn't have words to say. She couldn't believe that that's why he had stayed away. All she had wanted to do was have her middle with Luke, but she though that she'd ruined her chances of that. Was he trying to say that he wanted to give their relationship another chance?

She threw her arms around him. She didn't have any words. She just wanted him to know that she was glad he didn't hate her.

"Lorelai – the question isn't if I can forgive you, the question is if you could ever forgive me."

She desperately wanted to say yes, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. Luke started to get nervous, and she noticed, so she quickly began to talk again.

"Do you promise you'll tell me everything and let me in this time?"

"Only if you promise to tell me how you're _really_ feeling, and you tell me when I'm being a jerk."

Lorelai had to giggle at his last statement. "I promise."

Luke leaned in to kiss her. She never thought she would have another chance with Luke. The words they couldn't say made their relationship it an all-time low. But like they say, once you hit the bottom, the only way to go is up!


End file.
